Further Up & Further In ::

This phrase is haunting me. It dogs my steps wherever I go lately and I can't escape the reality that my heart innately screams this one idea from the depth of my being: I ever want to go "further up & further in".

For those of you who have no idea what I am referring to, it's a quote - a concept, really - from C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series. It's specifically mentioned in the final book of the series, The Last Battle. How do I best express the beauty of this concept?? Perhaps by using the story itself. 

Lewis, an ardent follower of Christ, wrote the Narnia series as a tangible metaphor of the gospel narrative - creation, separation, salvation, resurrection and glorification (more simply put life, death, grace, triumph and truth). He does so by using two parallel worlds.... and children. Why children? Because children are magical! They believe in the fanciful; they haven't become jaded or cynical yet. It is why Christ in Mark, chapter ten, verse fifteen assures the disciples that none of them will enter the kingdom of God unless they are like one of the little children surrounding Him at the moment - eager, sensitive and aware of His wonder. Their eyes are open; they see his beauty. Children have this ability to be vulnerable, transparent and carefree in all the right ways - in ways that we adults forget. Adults value authenticity but hesitate to live by it while children know no other way to be. This enables them to press into the wonder of life's majesty; they are yet untainted by life's pessimism and it is beautiful. 

But I am getting off track... Lewis' Last Battle is all about the glorification stage of the Christian story. It's about the king returning to lay rightful claim over his world and his people. It's all about a new earth as promised. As the children of Lewis' story arrive in this fresh earth they don't quite recognize it for what it is. But Aslan, the king and triune God figure, knows exactly what is going on: all things have been made new. He races off and tells the kids to meet him "further up and further in." What?! They are lost and confused at his statement though not shocked. Aslan is known for his cryptic sayings. For a while, the children loiter about their new surroundings. Yet as they do, it begins to feel known to them. It slowly dawns on the children that they are in a familiar place. They are in their Narnia... but it is a Narnia renewed. This awakens a zeal and refreshment in them that enables them to physically move. Suddenly, they are unencumbered. They begin to walk farther into this familiar country, and as they do, they quickly pick up the pace, invigorated by the literal air they breathe in. They climb mountains and go higher. They scale waterfalls and arrive at new heights. And with each new feat, they land further up. Suddenly, in the distance ahead, they see a small city on a hill. The children race to it's gate and they go in. They soon discover the city is small only from a distance but very large within. Once inside the city the children realize that they have come to the very heart of their Narnian country. Aslan, anxious to be with them, awaits them there. The children have arrived at further up and further in. 

This is the story. I pray that as I described it you began to sense it's beauty. I am sitting here grasping for words to convey the vision, but I feel challenged to trust that somehow the truth will find its way into your heart. As a Christian, as someone who believes there is no other and no greater story - no greater truth - than that of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I crave to know the heart of God and His kingdom with my entire being. I want all those I know and love to crave it too. Every time I long for beauty or relationship, or every time I experience the earth - sunsets, flowers, hugs, tears, sorrows - I feel a stirring within me pointing me to the deeper reality of the Triune God. This stirring begs at me with pleading and outstretched hands, "Hannah, please. Come further up and further in." I waver. I doubt. I resist, but then unbeknownst to me, I reach for the beggar's hand. I take a step. One step further in. I face a trial. I weep. I faint. Then I choose to press on and climb the height. I am further up. Every day, I have a chance to take hold of this forward, ascending motion. Some days I stay stagnant and motionless, paralyzed by fears or worries that are not mine to hold. Other days, I am running fast, the landscape whizzing by me in a blur, the hilly terrain being no problem for my faltering feet. I can let go and fly free. I constantly go back and forth (being a Christian makes me me far from perfect). But one thing remains. My desire. And desire is crucial, because it is a powerful and motivating force. It pushes me further up and further in. 

One of the characters in The Last Battle doesn't believe in Aslan. He is of another country and of another god, Tash. In the end he is tricked into thinking he can see Tash though it may cost him his life. But he is desperate to see his god, a god he has claimed throughout his entire existence. As the young warrior, Emeth by name, arrives at the door that obstructs his view of Tash, he is trembling. This is it, the moment he has been waiting for, but it is a moment that never comes. He never meets Tash ... but he does find Aslan. He tells the children later that though his heart turned to water the moment before walking through that door, still his desire was stronger than his fear*. He wanted to see God. And when he did... when he saw Aslan, this young warrior experienced a happiness "so great that it ... weaken[ed] him like a wound." For Emeth, seeing Aslan and receiving his love was "the marvel of all marvels, that he [would call him] Beloved..."**.

I marvel at the same thing: that God calls me Beloved. Yet Emeth's desire was greater than his fear and this desire lead him further up and further in.  I am constantly afraid. I feel wounded, just like Emeth, whether in happiness or in sadness. But also, like Emeth, I cry out from the belly of my being for completion and wholeness, to know and be subsumed by God; I cry out to live in full beauty and full truth. To do this, I must let my desire remain stronger than my fear bearing in mind that newness of life with my King on a glorious new earth awaits me. But to meet Him, to find Him, I must be brave. I must take the beggar's hand and take the step despite what I see. I ever must go further up and further in.

H::

:: To all my fellow Christ followers, away from the shadow lands and into the sun! "The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning." ***

Let us go further up and further in. ::

*The Last Battle, pg 163

**The Last Battle, pg 164-165

***The Last Battle, pg 183

Long Time, No Post ::

... It's been a while... and because of that I struggle with where to start, but I know that I have to start somewhere. Better to take action to help find the motivation than wait for the motivation to then take action. If we follow the latter, often times things are left undone.  At least that's been the case for me... 

However, though I haven't posted, I have been active :) I have completed a couple of items on my list and have a few new tasks under way. Please stand by/be on the look out for some posts within the next couple days detailing my 5k run and my insights on The Chronicles of Narnia series. I am excited to share stories, pictures and reflections from both! 

It's a wonderful feeling having my goals in sight, and then pressing through to accomplish them. I would highly encourage you to write down few of your dreams, regardless of what age they are turning, and begin shooting for them! There is something incredible that happens inside a person when they achieve a goal they have always wanted. It's definitely a feeling I can live with. 

Okay, stand by for the posts to come! And, as always, thank you for believing! 

H :: 

The Muses Have Spoken ::

I have officially showcased my list to my motivational muses, Alicia and Katie. Their responses were so classic, I felt compelled to share them with anyone who will listen.

Alicia immediately printed the list off, took me to get coffee and proceeded to lead a strategy meeting about every single item on my list. She plans to do as many tasks as she can with me. That's refreshing. There is solidarity and encouragement in numbers... and above all, accountability. I will definitely need that in order to stay in the game. In addition to addressing approach, Alicia also volunteered Brooke's talents to assist me with several of my tasks. Brooke, being Brooke, acquiesced with ease. With about ten months to go, I feel confident that I am going to rock this list and that it can be accomplished.

... Despite Katie Langner's response. Oh, my beautiful Katie, you are ever the optimist and I would have you be no other way. Her response was so wonderful that I gleefully cackled aloud at my desk. Yesterday, in my freshly blogged bliss, I emailed Katie the link thinking, "She will be so touched by my words of affection for her and so impressed with my list." Silly, Hannah; expectations are for kids. Katie sent me a one line response: "Your list is insane." I laughed so loud my chair shook. Then I responded how any overzealous woman would: "Bring it. Insane as my list is, I am undeterred." Katie then replied with words of wisdom (which often happens with Katie, post controversial statement): "It is a good list. However insane it is. Don't be afraid to "fail." I know I wasn't. I merely changed my list at the end to reflect reality (HA)." Katie, no one knows how to make me smile quite like you and no one knows how to challenge me either. Again, I thank you.

However, I have decided to not change my list no matter the circumstances at the end. I am going to do this. And if I "fail", at least I "fail" while fighting and trying. And then the next challenge comes: to accept reality. For me, in reality there is no failing when one tries. I've learned that to attempt is better than to resent and to increase in activity is healthier than resigning in passivity. No, I will fight. I will try. And then in the end, I will accept and bravely face all that acceptance holds for me. Acceptance is the road less traveled and that's simply just the kind of girl I am.

I like to pretend as though I am not an abundantly cheesy person, but that is a lie. I love cliches and quotes. I am sappy and sentimental; I love to gush; I love to love. Thus, when I recently emailed my family with the link to this blog, I told them that I plan to shoot for the stars and if I miss, I'll still land among the clouds... and that can't be too bad. ;) At least I will be cozy and warm with a few accomplishments under my belt. But in addition, along the way I will have grown. I will have changed and created a few really good memories. And if I am really fortunate, I will have inspired a few others too. Are our goals and dreams merely for ourselves? I think not. There is always someone else who can benefit.

Here's to aiming high!